Sorry, Please - Manners and Etiquette

If I decorate the christmas table fancy and wear nice clothes will guests use manners?

My in laws never seem to use manners. All the holidays we have hosted, they have usually come in pajamas and had horrible table manners. I'm beginning to think I made the holidays too casual. If I mention I'm making this holiday more formal, do you think they will get the clue and now wear bath robes and use table manners? My parents and sister are coming for dinner also and I want to feel proud of my in laws instead of embarassed.

Public Comments

1. Manners don't come with clothes. A "bum" may have beautiful manners and a wealthy, well educated person may not. Basically a combination of how they were raised and how much they care about themselves and about you. It would seem that by now the answer would be obvious. They don't see any reason to act differently or to use manners. If you want them to dress, or at least look decent for dinner, you are going to have to ask. Better yet, your husband should ask. Don't be surprised if they get huffy or ignore you.
2. its hard to buy class or make someone have manners when they dont, you can tell them we're all dressing up and you're putting out a nice table and spread. most people know when to dress up and act when its nice food, dishes, etc...but not all
3. They may not user proper table manners, which are quite simple really. The biggest rule is: don't disgust others. This drives the compulsion to take decent sized bites, use a napkin, etc. However, families get to be a tad more informal and do stuff like picking up bones and using the wrong utensil on occasion. Saying "We'll be dressing for dinner" about 15 minutes ahead of time gives them a chance to go put on actual clothes. Real napkins (cloth are SO much nicer than paper), silver, plates and candles will bring up the mood considerably, as will your excellent manners that you'll be displaying as a good hostess. If they don't, well, just pretend they're trying and try to enjoy the conversation at least.
4. Changing clothes and dressing nicer probably won't change them. It is a matter of how they were raised, and how they view others. All the money in the world doesn't mean a person has class. Some people in royalty have all the money and jewels in the world, and still fart at the table.
5. A leopard doesn't change it's spot my dear. Just set up the table & dress in whatever makes you feel and look good.
6. I think it is hopeless for you to try to mix the two families. I believe you posted before, right? You ought to perhaps give up on this trying to work. They are going to embarrass you. Perhaps working it out with your family, getting their understanding before hand. Maybe each side having one get together and you never hosting both the same year.
7. Why not accept your in laws the way they are? If they're set in their ways, no formal environment is gonna get them to change. I have alot of friends and family members that embarrass me from time to time with bad manners, but I shrug it off and let it go. Especially considering that I'm not as sophisticated and mannerly as I could be, and I hate it when I'm being corrected and told what I should do, or how I should behave. My step dad used to nit pick at my every move at the dinner table, and one of his biggest things was that I smack my lips when I eat. I can't help that food clings to my big lips. One time he left the dinner table and came back with duct tape, wrapped it around my mouth and told me to keep my mouth shut if I can't eat properly. Sometimes I feel like if being mannerly wasn't such a big deal maybe he wouldn't have done that. I believe in manners that make sense, the common ones such as saying please and thank you, and covering your mouth when you sneeze or need to burp and say excuse me after burping, or going to the bathroom when you have to fart. Not everybody fallows these basic rules of etiquette, but it's whatever to those who don't fallow it. I believe in being reasonable and having common manners, however, if I feel like wearing sweats, sneakers, a t-shirt, and a matching, tilted NY fitted cap to Christmas dinner I will, as I have before. I also slouch and put my elbows on the table. The holidays are a time to let your hair down and be comfortable, not be a prude. My suggestion is to let them be comfortable, accept them for who they are and deal.